Memories old and new
by misto713
Summary: Trip through a murderer's mind leaves no man unharmed. Nick Valentine is no exception. The Memory Den could offer respite, but Nick might be surprised at what the machines reveal. F!Sole/Nick Valentine.


Nick felt off. Strange, considering that his diagnostics showed no errors.

'Well, no more than the usual,' he thought and watched his metal fingers flex. 'I just hope it's not another one of Kellogg's memories, trying to "assimilate" into my thought processes.' His hand closed in a fist and he ran another scan.

Just to be sure.

He was hesitant to mention it to Emily, who he knew already worried for him, but ever since their little sojourn into a murderer's mind, Nick felt somehow… less. Less certain. Less synth. _Less himself_.

He still remembered the look in Emily's eyes when Kellogg took him by surprise and spoke using Nick's mouth. The first and only time that little code remnant managed to get one over Nick. Nick might have lied, a little bit, when he said he felt fine, or that he had no idea what just happened. That everything was all right. Because it very much wasn't.

In hindsight, lying was not his best decision.

Emily threw him worried looks ever since, and because of his initial lie, Nick couldn't even tell her he already purged the last bits of Kellogg out of his system.

She still took him with her to the Glowing Sea, however, and damn if that didn't heat up Nick's processor. That she trusted him, trusted his word when he said he was fine.

But now…

Now Emily was off to hunt an Institute Courser. Alone.

Oh, the excuse she gave him when she said her goodbyes was good - that she wanted to do this extra quietly, that she wanted to sneak up on the courser and use the reset code she got from Mama Murphy to minimize damage - but Nick knew the real reasons.

She worried what the reset code will do to him. Wondered what _his_ reset code was. She was afraid that if he were to go face to face against a courser, the institute lackey might just have the secret pass-phrase to turn _him_ into a soulless heap of metal.

Nick knew exactly what she thought and felt. He feared the same things, after all.

But all this didn't solve the problem he had right now. The way the stupid cogs in his brain couldn't quite decide who he was.

He sighed and stood up from the bench in front of the Third Rail and slowly approached the doors to the Memory Den. Nick might have promised himself to walk away from the addiction, from the memories of the human being he imitated, but… the den might just be what he needed right now.

 _Nick Valentine_ 's memories were preferable to Kellogg's, after all.

The doors opened and Nick's receptors were briefly overwhelmed with the familiar smell of half-rotten pre-war drapes and Irma's cloying perfume.

The woman in question rose gracefully from her favorite lounge chair and put one hand on her hip as she struck a seductive pose. "Nick! What a pleasant surprise. I did not expect to see you back, love," she purred. "Here I thought you didn't like the Den anymore. Didn't you decide not to come back again?"

Nick gave her a roguish grin, "You know I can't stay away from you forever, Irma."

Irma's eyebrows lifted, when she realized that this time, Nick was not here on business, but for himself. As much as she pretended to be an empty-headed seductress, anyone who ever spent more than five minutes with the woman knew she had a mind like a trap.

"Well, well. This is a surprise." A smile spread on her red lips, even if the questions remained in her eyes. "You are certainly welcome, Mr. Valentine. As always. Let the dear doctor know what you need."

Nick tipped his hat at her, knowing that whatever he asked for will stay between them. Maybe she will never even use it against him, unlike what happened to most of the Den's clients.

Saving her life from that group of raiders all those years ago turned out to be a good thing for both of them.

Doctor Amari was possibly even more surprised than Irma, especially when she heard his request.

"You want to see memories of the human Valentine?" Amari lifted her head from the buttons and displays, possibly for the first time that day. "Didn't you say you wanted to become your own person?"

"Not just his memories, my dear. His _happy_ memories." He wouldn't meet her eyes, preferring to stare at the machines instead. He wondered how much of it was created by studying _him_ , and the way his brain was wired. "Any you can find."

The doctor stayed quiet for a while, and Nick resisted the urge to step from foot to foot, or try to make excuses.

She probably already guessed why he wanted Valentine's memories anyway. _Impressions_. Right.

At last, he heard her sigh, then she beckoned him towards the her chair. "Come on, then. Let's see what I can do."

She crouched down to pull out the old cables she will attach to his circuits. The process of hooking up a synth was different from humans, and was one of the reasons Nick really only asked to revisit his memories in dire circumstances. Having bits of foreign metal stuck into what passed for your brain wasn't exactly pleasant.

"Where is your friend? The Vault dweller?" Amari asked conversationally as she readied the old equipment. Probably trying to relax him. Sweet gesture, but not the right topic at this moment as it turned out.

"Hunting the hunters. She's after an institute courser," he answered dryly, thankful that he had enough control over his internal systems that his voice didn't tremble. One good thing about being a machine. Still, these were probably not the relaxing thoughts the good doctor hoped to bring into the forefront of his mind.

Her hands paused, then slowly resumed sorting through the cables, finding the right ones to connect. "Is she now?" The first cable was inserted into the right port and Nick barely stopped himself from flinching. "Well, good luck to her, then. I hope she knows what she's doing."

 _Click_. Another cable in. Just one more left. "Don't you worry, Doc'. She's going to be just fine, you'll see," Nick said as much to reassure himself as he did for Amari's sake. The Doctor might not admit it, but she took a liking to the Vault dweller from their last meeting.

"All right, I'll connect the last one. Try to relax… You know how this goes."

Nick hummed in response and closed his eyes, putting all his other systems on stand-by. All but those connected to memory retention… and emotions.

The last thing he heard was the keyboard clicking as Doctor Amari searched his memory for happiness, and her 'Aha!' as she struck gold...

...and then his world went white.

\- memories -

Nick opened his eyes to see himself. His _synth_ self.

The first thought that flashed through his processor was that Doctor Amari made a mistake. But that was impossible! It might happen with a _human_ , but Nick worked differently. The worst that might happen was that no memory would load, all of them being too hazy, and he'd be stuck in white 'fog' for a couple minutes before Amari pulled him out.

Instead, he watched himself pacing up and down the metal room.

That room…

This was Vault 114, he was sure of it.

Now he was certain there's been a mistake. Being captured by Skinny Mallone's gang after the girl he came to rescue took him down with a baseball bat… not his proudest moment. Nor the happiest. Not by far. In fact, it was downright miserable.

At least, it has been miserable until…

"How you doin' in there, Valentine?" came the reedy, mocking voice from outside his 'accommodations'.

Nick spun on his heels to see Dino on the other side of the Vault window, taunting him. This scene was familiar. Wasn't it around this time that he first met… ' _Oh'_.

He didn't have time to process the implications before several energy beam-shots marked the end of Dino's taunts, and he heard himself yell, "Hey, you. I don't know who you are, but we got three minutes before they realize muscles-for-brains ain't coming back. Get this door open."

Nick saw the blue Vault suit flash past his window to reach the terminal. His eyebrow lifted. He didn't remember Emily moving that fast. He probably made her nervous with his 'three minutes' comment, as she probably didn't realize he was exaggerating. Mostly. She was always nervous around terminals, even though she tried her best to unlock any she came across. With frightening accuracy.

Seconds later, the doors opened and Nick saw her slowly make her way inside.

Was she… scared? How come he didn't remember it like this? Somehow, he always remembered Emily being all calm, kind, and reasonable, ever since he first met her, but this… what was _this_?

"Gotta love the irony of the reverse damsel-in-distress scenario. Question is, why did our heroine risk life and limb for an old private eye?"

His past self lit a cigarette, and completely missed the way Emily's shoulders relaxed, or the smile that twitched at one corner of her mouth. Nick felt privileged to be able to watch her first reaction towards him once again. The way her eyebrows lifted when she saw his _glowing yellow_ eyes, his metal hand and the exposed wires in his throat, and then just… shrugged.

Accepted him the moment she saw he wasn't about to turn hostile. Accepted him as he was.

She chuckled. "Reverse damsel-in-distress? And here I left my fancy red dress back at Sanctuary. I hope my Vault Suit will do, mister…"

"Valentine. Nick Valentine," his past self grinned.

Emily returned the grin with one of her own. "Mr. Valentine. I'm afraid there are no deeper reasons for this timely rescue. I've… heh," she scratched the back of her head in the gesture he knew so well by now, "I've gotten turned around, trying to find Diamond City. …You wouldn't happen to know how to get there, would you?"

There was a brief pause, as the memory detective processed this.

Nick chuckled. He almost forgot her reasons for the rescue, once they started following the case of her missing son. He almost forgot that she didn't find him because she needed his help… that she rescued him only because _he_ needed help.

Well, staring at her and his past self looking at each other as if they'd never seen anyone like that before, he remembered now.

He might not have a human heart to start beating faster anymore, but damn if that didn't make him feel warm.

"You're in luck, then, doll. I not only know how to get there, I live there. And not to put a too fine point on it, but I happen to be kinda famous around the Diamond City. The Valentine Detective Agency signs might be an eyesore, but they sure bring in customers."

Emily's eyes widened. "Detective Agency? You're a detective?" At his raised eyebrow, she blushed and stammered, "I… I need help finding someone, but it's… it's complicated. I don't exactly know where they could be, or how long they've been gone."

The memory Nick just shrugged one shoulder, "Well, I've done jobs with less. Somehow "Nice and simple" never makes it onto the menu in my world."

She smiled at him, relieved, and Nick watched the way his past self dropped his eyes to the floor, his version of a blush. Had Nick still been capable of it, he'd be blushing by now too.

It slowly occurred to Nick that Doctor Amari's machines made no mistake after all.

He asked for happiness, didn't he? Part of him expected to see memories of Nick and Jenny, but those were hazy, indistinct, and very, very old.

Memories he had of Emily and their growing... partnership were far stronger.

Nick almost missed the way the memory wrapped up, as Emily pulled out her laser pistol and his past self finished the conversation, "… But now let's blow this joint."

Emily and his memory left the room, and Nick felt himself slowly coming up. The world turned white once again, then he found himself sitting in Doctor Amari's chair as she pulled the cables out of his brain.

He stayed quiet, almost afraid to face Amari after what she just witnessed. Finally, he took a deep breath and turned to see her face.

Amari looked away, but Nick could still see the smile around the corners of her mouth. And was she… blushing? After a moment, she cleared her throat, and looked at him, "Was that what you were hoping for?"

Nick opened his mouth, and paused. Was it?

True, he asked for and expected to see memories of human Nick to stabilize himself, but now that he was back inside his own head, he realized that the feeling of _wrongness_ was gone. Maybe it was the shock of realizing that Emily brought him more happiness than the stolen memories of Jenny, and maybe…

Maybe Emily was the one to make his world feel right.

He looked Amari in the eyes, and smiled, "You know what? Yes, yes it was. Thank you for the help, Doctor."

Now. Now he needed to get back to Sanctuary.

He had a lot to think about.

\- memories -

Nick came back just in time to see Emily limp across the bridge, and right then, he knew that she's been successful.

She gasped when he stepped up to her and threw one of her arms over his shoulders to help her along. "Nick!" Then she relaxed and let him help her. As she always did. "I have it, Nick. I have the courser chip." Her voice was tired.

Nick wasn't surprised. Not many would survive against a courser, much less alone. Emily not only survived, she defeated him, and walked away not much worse for wear… as far as he could see.

Preston already waited for them, and had Nick bring her inside the old house she claimed as her own. Nick sat her down on the old couch, but when he tried to move away, she grasped his hand.

"Stay. Please," she whispered, and Nick found himself sitting down next to her almost without thought.

"So, how did it go?" he asked just as quietly.

Emily snorted, "About the way I expected it would. Harder to fight than Deathclaw, but it's done. Now… I just have to find the Railroad. If they exist."

Nick smiled, and took one of her hands in his own. "Sure they do."

"How do you know that?" The sound of her voice was full of cautious hope. "Have you met them?"

Nick was sorry to disappoint, "Nah. But they've saved too many people to simply be a myth. Let's just… follow the Freedom Trail, and see what happens."

Emily sighed, and rested her head on his shoulder. Nick used his free arm to pull her closer to his chest. His metal hand carded through her hair in a calming gesture. "It will be all right," he whispered.

His eyes lifted to the sky visible through the holes in the ceiling and an unwilling smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Emily might hurt right now, but there was no doubt in his mind that she will pull through. They will find the Railroad, decode that chip, and get inside the Institute to save her son. He couldn't imagine this ending in any other way.

In the mean time, as long as he held her in his arms…

He leaned in and whispered in her ear, for both their sakes, "Everything will be all right."

\- The End -

* * *

 **A/N:** I've tried to write pr0n. I really did. But the feels got 'in the way'. (Curses, foiled again.)

This is the second time I've tried to write a one-shot where Emily finally gets her precious Synth, and the second time my mind decided that nope, I've got to have feels first. And then more feels. And in the end, there's somehow not enough room for the 'fun' parts.

I'm trying, I swear I do. Just… _feeeeeels_.

(Also, love at first sight. Because I'm that sappy, yeah.)


End file.
